Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Waiting Game

I wrote this post months ago, when Graham and I were awaiting news about his job in Chicago.

It's about what we tend to do when we're waiting for something to happen. We want to feel that we are in control, but often we have no control over anything but our own reaction to what happens.

Here's what was on my mind:

I have spent the past few days awaiting big news. The anticipation has been killing me.  "I just want to know now" was on repeat in my head.

I filled my weekend to the brim with activities. Friday night was for a short run and sleep, Saturday was spring training and dinner with friends, and Sunday was my long training run for the week followed by spring training with my niece and mom. Afterward, Graham and I had a Starbucks date, ate dinner and watched  a movie.

The impending news was always on our minds. I wanted to be in the moment — it was just so difficult.

At work Monday, my strategy was to make graph after graph, edit after edit. To keep busy.

I sent text after emoji-filled text to Graham. Each icon signified both my emotional state and good luck vibes. 

Despite my best efforts, time moved just one second at a time. I couldn't make the news arrive any sooner. In fact, Tuesday was also spent in the same state of limbo.

 I came up with a list of ways to keep occupied: Yoga, going to brunch, cleaning the house, doing laundry, walking the dogs, blogging, reorganizing my closet, decluttering, watching a movie, cooking a meal, hiking, and buying groceries.

Despite all of the things you can do when you're waiting, the most important is Relax. Nothing is under control. 

I am feeling much of the same anxiety now that our apartment building in Chicago is in foreclosure. We have no idea how much longer we will be able to live in this apartment. We have no clue where we would look for a new place. All we know is we can only tackle the day in front of us. We can only hope for the best and do what is required of us during this process. We can only breathe and not let what could happen take away from what is happening in the moment.

 Just breathe.